So I booted into safe mode today, which (among other things) means no self-criticism and no reading depressing things about Mormonism allowed. I gave myself permission to enjoy deconstructions of "Christian" fiction, like Slacktivist's ongoing Left Behind series, but aside from that religion and politics have been basically off-limits.
I'm feeling nervous and weak, but a little better than before. The supportive words and offers of help I've received are doing a lot towards this.
I feel a bit nervous and clingy after watching a sad anime (Angel Beats), and there are a lot of things I still need to get done ... like a story or two, and some RPG rules, and a lot of writing for work. And setting up my computer the rest of the way, and setting up my room the rest of the way, and somehow surviving the rest of the holidays emotionally and financially.
I still get extremely nervous worrying about all these things. I'm sorry to be such a wreck about it and keep venting here. I don't know what else to do. I'm trying to get back into the habit of going outside and socializing in-person but it's incredibly hard, for reasons that I don't want to get into.
I've had to deal with way too many Hard Things recently, I'm still in the process of dealing with nearly all of them, and I wish some of them would let up.