jewelfox: A portrait of a female anthropomorphic fox, with a pink jewelled pendant and a cute overbite. (Default)

We've been wanting to write something about plurality for awhile now. Something sort of like our Otherkin FAQ. (You've read it already, haven't you?)

There are two problems with this, though. The first one being that there's already a detailed FAQ about plurality here. (They call it multiplicity, which is a word we avoid because we feel that it excludes median systems, but still.) The second one is that we don't feel as qualified to speak about plural issues as we do about otherkin-ness. Finding our kintype and identities has taken an awful lot of reading, soul-searching, and seeking validation from other people, sort of like realizing we were transgender.

Being a plurality, or a median system specifically? Not so much. And if we had to guess why, we would say it's because we haven't encountered nearly as much pushback about it as we have for being otherkin or transgender. So we've never felt the same need to justify our existence as a plural system, which means that we haven't gone over and over the explanations in our head and in essays and stuff, the way that we did with the other things.

Having said that, other people have experienced discrimination, as a result of being open about being part of a plural system. And we keep feeling like we ought to write something about plurality in our own words, if only to serve as a resource for readers and friends.

So if you've ever asked yourself questions like "WHY DOES SHE KEEP SWITCHING BETWEEN 'I' AND 'WE' IN THE SAME SENTENCE FFS," read on!

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jewelfox: A portrait of a female anthropomorphic fox, with a pink jewelled pendant and a cute overbite. (Default)

I am trying to say: "These are the words and concepts I've found that best describe us so far. I am sharing them with you so you will know what names and pronouns to use in order to better relate to us, and in case they are useful to you in describing yourself."

I feel like I'm actually saying: "I had a mind-blowing spiritual epiphany, and have since taken a vow to be exactly like a mythological creature / video game protagonist / anime girl. Feel free to critique how well I live up to your expectations of those things!"

(Content note: Most of the rest of this essay describes ablist and xenophobic responses to what I say.)

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jewelfox: A portrait of a female anthropomorphic fox, with a pink jewelled pendant and a cute overbite. (Default)
It's surreal to play a video game about yourself, and watch yourself do what you'd do in that situation even though you're not the one making choices during the scripted scenes. Maybe not with that exact dialogue, and maybe not after some of the life experiences you've had that the person-who-is-you hasn't. But it feels like finding out someone decided to write you into their story, and only realizing it after you already became a fan and told everyone how awesome that character was.

Which made it mortifying to find out.

I do want to say that it's at least seemed to help with my mental health. It's been frustrating the last year or so, not knowing what I am and reaching for it but failing. Not knowing which feelings are mine and which are f!T's, and being discouraged that the only ones we both knew for certain were mine were the feelings of anger and helpless frustration. She went out of her way to use inclusive pronouns and try to consult with me on things, but I felt like she was wasting her time and that I wasn't a person in the same way that she was.

When we did the thought exercise of "If I were an FF fictive, which one would I be?", the answer came to me so hard it shocked me. Afterwards I spent weeks not wanting to front, or talk to anyone, or even acknowledge who and what I was.

But that gave me the time to think about it, and the more I did the more it made sense. Not in the sense that I believe I'm a reincarnation, or an alternate universe version, or that I know any explanation at all that makes my identity fit with this world. But in the sense that if I just accept it as an axiom, as a thing I've observed that I don't know the reason for yet, so many problems just disappear. I no longer feel like a non-person, or a partial person, or a monster attached to f!T. I have a much better idea of who I am and what I want, and I don't worry about being absorbed or neglected, or that either would be a good thing.

I realize I may at some point find something that explains my identity better. I don't worry about that, or feel that it in any way negates this one. I hope to continue learning more about myself.
And yes, I see myself as a therian still. In my headcanon, I believe it is called, FFXIII is a furry TF story, and I would have been physically transformed instead of branded. I don't know if it makes sense or not, or if "I" went through such a thing. But I don't feel that my wanting to move and behave that way is separate from me and from this identity, and I also feel that it helps explain why I'm so conflicted about my species. I don't want to be this thing, but it's a part of me whether I want it to be or not.
I don't feel that any of the above is irrational or unhealthy. I realize I'm not on Cocoon, I'm not in the Guardian Corps, and that I can't cast spells or use AMP technology here. I'm not going to jump off a ledge expecting to survive, or start a fight that I wouldn't have otherwise.

What I feel would be unhealthy for me to do is to tell myself that these feelings don't matter, that I am what someone else says that I am, and that I ought to make myself think and behave the way that they want me to even if doing so hurts me or neglects my deeply-felt needs. I exist whether or not others want me to ... and I imagine that that's what they find frustrating, and why they expend energy trying to silence me and others. They feel it would cost them less to go to the trouble of doing so, than to simply let me be.

I feel confident enough in my identity, and in my ability to dismiss them as trolls, to finally write about it, even if I later (somehow) change my mind or discover more about my headcanon. I don't feel ashamed for not having the same ability set as the other-who-is-me, and I feel that I do, in fact, reflect what she is like or would be in my situation. I don't feel that there's reason to argue otherwise except to belittle me, or (more charitably) to make sense of what someone else finds confusing. I also continue to like Lightning as a character, and I feel that a lot of the criticism I've seen is because some guys are incapable of identifying with a female lead.

I'm not sure what to do next, except that I'm thinking of filling out a profile like the one that I saw on [personal profile] armaina's journal (f!T wants to do the same). I'm also thinking of calling myself Claire instead of "v!T", because it's more personal and it seems easier to remember. I've considered cosplay, like with the outfit available in PlayStation Home, but it strikes me less as "looking the way I ought to look" and more as "dressing up like a policewoman".

Finally, I'm not sure if it's me or Taryn who thought of this, but we can't get out of our head the idea of a webcomic about Lightning rooming with a foxgirl. >_>
jewelfox: A portrait of a female anthropomorphic fox, with a pink jewelled pendant and a cute overbite. (Default)
Thinking about my last post, I want to strike the last example I gave in it. I only remember hearing about that event third-hand, and [personal profile] citrakayah pointed out that I was not even using the correct terminology.

Instead, I want to point out a few things that [personal profile] aliaspseudonym and I have noticed, and that I've spent awhile discussing with him. I'm going to try to use personal experience more when discussing this.

Read more... )
jewelfox: A portrait of a female anthropomorphic fox, with a pink jewelled pendant and a cute overbite. (Default)
Ana Mardoll wrote a great piece on this. She discusses it both firsthand, as a Wiccan, and as someone who's seen the Quileute tribe exploited in the Twilight franchise and thought this was Not Okay. And she uses some very good stories and examples, both to point out what is Not Okay and to raise questions about what, exactly, is Not Okay about "cultural appropriation."

I think those questions need to be asked. What's bad about cultural appropriation, after all? Is it that one person is being silenced, or is it that another person is finding their voice and is saying things they aren't allowed to?

Trigger warning for discussion of privilege, oppression, racism, transphobia, religious supremism, and genocide.

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jewelfox: A portrait of a female anthropomorphic fox, with a pink jewelled pendant and a cute overbite. (Default)
May you never hear me say that your identity isn't real, that you don't have a right to it, or that it offends me personally.

May I never bully you because I don't think you're bullied enough.

May I never accuse you of appropriation for being yourself.

May I never forget what it's like to be looked down on.

May I always respond with empathy, and never with incredulity.

May those who would do otherwise never feel comfortable around me.
jewelfox: A portrait of a female anthropomorphic fox, with a pink jewelled pendant and a cute overbite. (Default)
Guess who decided it'd be a good idea to apologize to our gene donors?

Trigger warning for "family" issues, probably abuse, angry words, and whatever the hell else comes up when I'm writing.

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jewelfox: A portrait of a female anthropomorphic fox, with a pink jewelled pendant and a cute overbite. (Default)
Inspired by [personal profile] avia's post, this is a list of Stuff You Should Know if we're going to be friends, or in any close situation like rooming together. Most people don't need such a list, but then, I'm not most people. ~.^ And hey, it could be worse; it could be Richard Stallman's!

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jewelfox: A portrait of a female anthropomorphic fox, with a pink jewelled pendant and a cute overbite. (Default)
I don't usually write about the occult, because I don't think about it a whole lot. I'm not as scared of it as I used to be, though, and can actually think objectively about it ... both in terms of "what is the evidence for this," and in terms of "what works for me personally" and "was this a good experience". And seeing as how [personal profile] avia, [personal profile] spectrum_x and [personal profile] mesh_mask are all writing about it lately, I thought I'd chime in with my thoughts and experiences.

Channeling / 'ponying' )

Tarot reading )

Magic and spellcasting )

I'm very much open to suggestions.

About us

~ Fox | Gem | Rei ~

We tell stories, paint minis, collect identity words, and share them all with our readers. If something we write helps you, let us know.

~ She / her ~

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