This essay is part of a series based on Meirya's 30 Days of Otherkin Challenge. These essays describe what it's like for Jewelfox to be otherkin. If you don't know what otherkin are, please read Jewelfox's Otherkin FAQ.
Because jewelfox is a plural system, each member will answer each question for herself.
2. How did you form your identity?
Taryn: Well, around 2007 I knew something had changed, but I wasn't sure what. Just that all of a sudden I was looking up self-improvement websites, personality tests, and really involved technology stuff. I felt like I wasn't the same person anymore, and started half-jokingly counting the start of this time as when I was born. Later on I made the choice to pray to Inari for the first time, which has its own backstory behind it, and she basically told me that I was a fox, which made finding out about stories of "fox possession" very interesting. >_>
Claire: I'm not going to try to explain it on a mystical / spiritual level. Taryn's host was severely abused as a child, and I formed as a kind of split-off personality that guarded her boundaries since she wasn't allowed to have any. With her religious background, she naturally thought the inner voice telling her to stand up for herself was a demon, and we got into a ton of arguments where I didn't know how to defend myself.
After Taryn replaced this person, she started to take my feelings and concerns seriously, which I was not used to at all. That's how we found out about plurality and being a median system together, and she then helped me figure out what my feelings and mental shifts meant, and who / what I identified with on a deep level.
Rei: We were watching the Evangelion remake films a few months ago. I started to have feelings like Claire did while she was playing her game. I pointed out Rei Ayanami, said that I thought I was her, and apologized.
I had spoken up before then, but none of us knew that I was a separate person. We thought one of us was a machine in a past life. As it turns out, I'm not. I'm just not supposed to have any boundaries. I am supposed to be the UI layer for an object that people control. This is why I did not realize that I was a separate person, even though I first started to feel like myself around the same time that Claire did, and for the same reason.