A scientific study I participated in on Amazon's Mechanical Turk asked me to come up with uses for paper clips. Here is the list I came up with:
Improvised weapon, in case you are attacked by swashbuckling insects.
Keep underwear made out of paper from sliding down your legs.
Modern art sculpture.
Comb, if you have especially cooperative hair.
Hairpin, if you don't.
Palm Pilot / Nintendo DS stylus (use the curved part)
Palm Pilot reset switch trigger (use the flat part)
Attract the attention of crows
Conductor's baton for crickets
Pretend to shoot mind control rays to annoy people
Poke them with it if they resist your suggestions
Material component in casting "Summon Office Supplies"
Part of the construction cost of building a paper clip golem
Securely attach an olive to your sandwich (just don't use it as a toothpick)
Offer unhelpful advice in Microsoft Word
As an added bonus, as far as anyone's aware paper clips are not capable of committing criminal acts, evading prosecution, or destroying the world economy, and would therefore serve as fine replacements for many investment bankers.