jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)
[personal profile] jewelfox is a median system composed of a fox and a being who currently identifies as a phoenix. The two sometimes work out their feelings about each other separately. This essay is written by phoenix!Taryn.



I'm only aware of myself when I'm in pain.

I had a lot of opportunities to feel that way when I was growing up. Every day there was something new that was hurting me, that we weren't allowed to acknowledge but that I had to deal with all the same. I had to sit through a movie that triggered me. I had go to a Seminary devotional that overloaded me. I had to deal with this alien body, and its nervous system that made me feel things I didn't want to and kept me from doing what I was told that I was supposed to. And I wasn't given any tools for dealing with it that worked. So I kept feeling that sense of being violated, and the anger and hatred I responded with.

fox!Taryn described us to [personal profile] rev_yurodivy, a former psychology student, and they said we might correspond pretty well to parts of the psyche: I'm the ego, f!T's the superego. I'm the part that feels the strongest sense of self, so I'm the one who has to feel that pain every time it comes up.

I'm not sure it's that clear-cut, though.

Read more... )

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~ Fox | Gem | Rei ~

We tell stories, paint minis, collect identity words, and share them all with our readers. If something we write helps you, let us know.

~ She / her ~

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