Kate Kelly, on her excommunication for petitioning the Mormon leaders to ask their god about women's ordination to the priesthood, and for raising Mormons' awareness of issues caused by gender inequality:
“I honestly thought until the very last minute that they would do the right thing,” the Ordain Women founder said Monday evening. “It feels very much like a forced amnesia, where everything you thought you knew was gone and everything you thought you were isn’t the case anymore.”
That's really an apt description, of how we felt when things turned upside-down for us. When we suddenly realized we had been betrayed, and the people we'd been told to look up to were cruel, banal, and self-serving.
Except in our case, we keep obsessively clinging to scraps of memory, trying to resolve issues from a dead person's life that simply don't matter anymore. Writing letters, that we never send, to long-dead family members. Watching, and reading, and participating in discussions about a dead church, led by dead leaders, teaching doctrines that crumbled to sand generations ago.
How do you cope? How do you adjust? How do you give yourself amnesia? Especially when the things that are going on in that world -- the great, consequential things -- seem so much more meaningful than the ones in your own, and you feel like you're trying to give your own meaning by keeping up with the struggle.
Even though your very existence is struggle, against depression and against systemic erasure of the kind of person you are.
It's hard to see our own happiness as an end in itself. Maybe if we did, this would not be so hard.