I cannot support any policy or belief that goes directly against my experience and my survival. It really is that simple.This person is an abuse survivor, so major trigger warning for reading their Tumblr. This particular post, though, brings up "wedge issues" -- like people making rape jokes -- that lead this person to end friendships with them.
-- More Reasons You Shouldn't Fuck Kids
I'm trying to form a list of my own, and think about what it means. I think that in general, someone who does, says, or believes any of the things on this list, I don't want to be around. To the degree that they have or express these beliefs, that's how much emotional distance there has to be between us.
I may work with them towards a common goal I believe strongly in -- I'm going to be professional in my work on the GNOME project. But I would consider it unprofessional for someone else to continue talking about these things or bringing it up after I'd asked them to stop, and would try to report them for harassment. I will also call someone out for saying these things elsewhere, in a non-work related context, although I expect I will probably be bitten for that especially as someone who's female.
Here's the list:
Anything and everything that invalidates someone else's identity, sexuality, or spirituality; blames victims for their circumstances; makes light of things that have happened to them; absolves people who have hurt them of responsibility for their actions; or ignores the realities and necessity of social justice.If someone says or does anything on this list, I will educate them. If they make it clear that they do not want to be educated, I will make it so that I no longer have to deal with the trigger that they present. This can be by ordering them to stop (or stop bringing it up around me), removing myself from their presence, or removing them from an online community I moderate.
The correct thing to do when this happens, if you are the one being educated and asked to stop, is to say "I'm so sorry, I did not know. It won't ever happen again." It is not to justify what you said or did in any way, or claim that it was a joke. It is not to play the devil's advocate. It is not to show how irreverent and hip you are by trolling and seeing how much you can get away with. I will not entertain you. I will cut you off immediately. Because the alternative is to let myself be hurt, and to let my friends and other abuse survivors be victimized all over again.
I do not see freedom of speech as a sacred principle, so much as a necessary evil for public spaces, without which the people who wish that I'd go away would make me stop talking about how I've been hurt. It only exists on my journal, or places I moderate, insofar as the government won't be the one to silence you.