jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

And we miss [personal profile] chozomind so much, omg ; ;

We and [tumblr.com profile] alias-pseudonym have a lot of work to do to get our apartment set up. >_> We have visitor papers that let us go in and out of the country at will until the end of the year ... here's hoping we can immigrate and do everything we're supposed to

... happy belated Canada Day?

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

Sometimes, when I'm feeling nervous, I try to comfort my inner child by showing her stuff that she would have been amazed by. Remembering how I would have felt, if I'd gotten to see (for example) a handheld console that looked like my Game Gear* or GBA, but was much more powerful than even an N64.

My inner child is still afraid of anything that isn't sufficiently Mormon, though, so I also have to reassure her that stuff like cute visual novels isn't going to corrupt us or hurt anyone. ^^;

I don't think she's a literal person, so much as that when I get anxious I kind of regress to when I was living in fear all the time. Then I have to coax myself back out, or at least try to make myself comfortable enough that I start to feel better.

Writing Prompt

Does anyone else (not) do this? What sort of things comfort you? For us it's toys, games, and especially electronics, because we were privileged to have access to things like computers from an early age. And they were our escape.




* I bought it when I was 10, with the prize money from winning a regional spelling bee, and carried it with me everywhere. Even though I couldn't afford batteries (6x AA batteries lasted like six hours in this thing), and had to rely on AC and car adapters. It was my treasure.

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

I'm starting to see game consoles, e-readers, and even franchises like Pathfinder and Warhammer 40,000 differently. They all have built-in stores, in a sense, but they also want to be your whole lifestyle, or even your religion.

Money, consumerism, anxiety, and abandonment )

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

Please pray to whatever you worship, that justice will be done. For all of the gender, sexual, religious, and ethnic minorities whose lives are policed by the majority's cruelty, and ended through violence, deprivation, and despair.

After you are finished praying, please find those who are endangered and hurting, and help them. Not by erasing what makes them endangered, but by making it safe for them to be themselves.

My going on living, today, is a political act. Just like it has been every day, for the past few years. I shouldn't have to face the opposition that makes it political. I should just be able to take it for granted.

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

So have some cute pride dragons! You may have seen them on Flight Rising. Collect them all, and just think how much less colourful that page would be if we only celebrated certain identities.

(My favourites, of course, are the pansexual, transgender, and transfeminine ones.)

Anyway, while you are doing that, I'll be over here being a nervous wreck. ^^;

My anxieties. Let me tell you about them. )

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

For the past couple weeks we've been having some major interpersonal problems, which combined with our hormones making us feel weird have brought us down to basically zero functionality.

On top of that, we tried to go back to FFXIV again, and it only took us a few days to be reminded of how ugly and sexist the culture is (both in terms of the players and the non-player characters) and how much it hurts just to be here. Let alone try to befriend anyone.

We're extremely sorry to everyone who has been waiting on us to write anything, whether it's a response or a game or a fanfic. We're trying to take care of ourself and get through this and stop getting hurt, and it's hard.

We're sorry to keep asking for everyone's patience, but you will all have to wait a bit longer.

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

if I can't tell free stories for people.

I'm going to talk about why I think that is, because it's not because anyone here on Dreamwidth has been a jerk. It appears to be more tied into the kinds of "abusive religion / family" things that we're used to writing about. It just took a visit to a "Mormon Meme Translator," which explains the hidden meanings behind the things we grew up with, to help us see why we are having such trouble with this.

Content note: Brief, nongraphic mention of how we were so depressed as a Mormon that we almost killed ourself, which is not how we're feeling right now, and spoilers for the plot of Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

Read more... )

TL;DR

Just read Wundergeek's comic about depression and anxiety. :P And how they make you sabotage yourself.

So, what does this mean for you?

Honestly, I don't think you (meaning anyone reading this) have to do anything. We have to not be so hard on ourself, to be more realistic about what we can do, and to be accepting when bad things happen or we can't do what was expected.

We're pretty sure our readers and players are. We just need to learn it as well, because this perfectionism is a bigger problem than our triggers and lack of spoons are. The latter we can work around or wait to subside, while the former makes us feel like we shouldn't try to begin with.

Having said that, some more hugs and encouragement would be nice. >_> We're sorry we're being so hard on ourself.

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

Yet another emotional crisis drove us underground, in the last few days. We're taking care of it (and ourself), with [personal profile] aliaspseudonym's help, but we're also having to do things like go out and get prescriptions refilled and try to make ourself play miniatures games (which is our only in-person social contact anymore).

So the RPG thing has been a little delayed. >_o

I'm told there's at least one other person who's interested, though, besides [personal profile] redsixwing and [personal profile] sablin27, and I'm going to try to get in touch with someone from Steam who expressed interest as well. (For some reason I thought he subscribed here on Dreamwidth, since he commented here, and I was wondering why he never followed up.)

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

We're still trying to do this Fate Core RP, but we're feeling like we're in a little over our head.

Insecure foxraptor is insecure )

tl;dr We're doing our best but we're afraid of messing up, and this is making us avoidant of working on RPG things.

However! We've kept to our schedule so far, and as of right now, we've contacted both [personal profile] redsixwing and [personal profile] sablin27 about the last details that need to be clarified on their character sheets. If we can get that sorted out, we are going to write the first public RP post this weekend.

About us

~ Fox | Gem | Rei ~

We tell stories, paint minis, collect identity words, and share them all with our readers. If something we write helps you, let us know.

~ She / her ~

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