jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

Well, actually we're feeling exhausted, since [personal profile] burning_ground has come over from out of state and we've spent as much time playing Warmachine as sleeping in the past 48 hours. Plus nervousness and stress because we don't do the social thing all that often. ^^;

Unfortunately, we forgot to take pictures of the games. We think you've all seen most of the miniatures used, though, if you've been following our WIP tag. We're going out to museums tomorrow with mom and [personal profile] rev_yurodivy, at any rate, and have asked Cortana to remind us to start taking pictures once we get into town.

More stuff about how we're doing )

Also, we changed our journal's theme. What do you all think?

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)
That's literally where I am right now. I watched a video that satirically pointed out how inhumane the tiny apartments in parts of Hong Kong are, but it had the opposite of the desired effect on me -- I fell in love with the tiny space and started wishing I had one of my own.


Small is beautiful.

Conveniently enough, my roughly 12 square foot closet was about the same size as that space. Once I realized this, I started planning to move in, including finding small items of furniture and planning out how to organize cables.

It's not done yet, but the place looks and feels kind of cozy. I'm not used to having my movement restricted, and I feel a tiny bit claustrophobic ... but I also like how warm and quiet it is in here, and how it has its own door and no one else has to go in and out of it. It feels sort of like a personal den, which is what I wanted all along.

I'll post pictures once it's farther along. In the meantime, I'm considering printing things out to put on the walls. I'm not sure how tacky that is, but I don't really own all that many posters or other decorations. I'm also considering stretching a tension rod across the doorway, and putting a soft blanket or curtain there to make it feel less bare and spartan.

In the end, I may get a Japanese-style futon so that I can sleep in here. >_> We'll see how it goes, and how well my spine adapts. It helps that I'm small enough to stand upright beneath the overhead shelf (5'5" / 165 cm.), and can actually pace in here.

Many thanks to [personal profile] rev_yurodivy and [personal profile] aliaspseudonym for helping with this project. Here's hoping it turns out okay, and wondering if anyone has any suggestions for furnishings or decorations.
jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)
A few random things, in order from least to most depressing and building up to unpleasant realizations.

Trigger warning for talk of depression, parental abuse, terrible trouble with socializing, and canned sandwiches. Especially the canned sandwiches.

Read more... )
jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)
First, I'd like to thank everyone who's expressed their support or sent donations after I talked about what I was worried about.

They say that coming out shows you who your real friends are. This is the second time now that I've had to ask for help; the first was when I was moving out for the first time, and didn't make much from writing and didn't know what I could do. Both times, people came through for me and/or Yuro. That says a lot about you. Thank you.

Why I have trouble asking for (or believing I'll receive) help )

It hurts so bad when people act out aggression towards me, or when I'm afraid that things will be taken from me. But it helps me feel more confident when I realize that people care about me. Everything seems easier when someone I love is there to help me, whether it's Alias or [personal profile] rev_yurodivy. And knowing that I have a safety net -- from the government, and from my friends -- makes it easier to just enjoy myself and create things.

I'm open to other suggestions for things I can do to get past my blocks. Thank you all again.
jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)
I've learned a lot from the therians and demonkin that I've met here on Dreamwidth. There aren't a whole lot of angelkin that I've seen out there, though, so it was really interesting to read this account by someone who just came out as one.

A lot of it probably goes against what you expect. They're an angel of death, and their concept of heaven is one without rulers or hierarchy -- that's part of what makes it heaven, for them, along with a non-euclidean geometry which makes this world (and having a set form) difficult to relate to. They also consider the furry fandom a lot more welcoming than the otherkin community, and are especially dismayed by the identity policing that happens in otherkin.

The impression I've got is that most angelkin think they're God's Space Marines sent here to Smite All The People, so this was a really refreshing take on things, by an author who's being genuine and vulnerable in the process. Did I mention they're also my mate [personal profile] rev_yurodivy? ~.^

Speaking of my mates

[personal profile] aliaspseudonym wrote a really good summary of how he sees himself, too. I think the most important point he makes is that things that are a part of your identity don't have to be literally, or verifiably, true for them to define you. Even before I knew I was otherkin, I realized the power that stories and symbols have to shape how we see ourselves and our worlds, and that they can be -- and usually are -- more true than dispassionate collections of facts.

Atheist skeptics have done a good job fact-checking demagogues, just as otherkin skeptics have helped rein in people who might have become those otherwise. But past a certain point, "skepticism" becomes identity policing and telling others they have to see themselves the way that you see them. And disregard any evidence they see and experiences they have which contradict the "skeptic"'s point of view.

It's things like that which made Yuro afraid to talk about their own experiences for so long. And it's this urgent need some "skeptics" have, to be selectively 100% right about some things and call out people who aren't, which makes them into demagogues themselves.
jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)
I'm starting to notice when I'm not able to do something because of what I went through growing up. It's extremely distressing to realize this, especially when it's keeping me from doing something I want to.

I'm going to try to talk it out, in order to get through to myself about this and face my fears. If anyone wants to help reassure me, or share techniques to get past this, it'd be appreciated. After [personal profile] aliaspseudonym helped me with some of my earlier fears, though, I feel like a lot of the problem would be solved if I could just do it once and realize that I won't be hurt by it.

Some of the things here may not be because of my upbringing specifically, but may be harder for me because of it.

Sexuality-related triggers )

Transition-related triggers )

Can anyone help me with any of these things? Does anyone have any suggestions?

About us

~ Fox | Gem | Rei ~

We tell stories, paint minis, collect identity words, and share them all with our readers. If something we write helps you, let us know.

~ She / her ~

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