jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

I spilled an entire cup of orange juice all over my laptop's keyboard.

[tumblr.com profile] spinecrawlerrush is paying for the repairs, but it's still kind of traumatizing. >_> This is the first time this has happened to me in ten years of owning (and eating around) laptops, and of course it would happen to the expensive one.

Anyway, our writing may be slowed down a bit in the meantime. >_< We're currently using [personal profile] chozomind / [personal profile] burning_ground's spare laptop, Hiraeth, and it doesn't have anything set up the way we are used to.

(Incidentally, the tarot deck that [personal profile] chozomind made is really cool! You should check it out.)

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

In case anyone wants to take a look! Also the "About Us" section, which is either on the right-hand side of the screen or below this entry / our recent entries.

We've been sick for the last week or so after experimenting with a new medication. ^^; Aaaand then there was the early-morning rush to try to get a passport with our actual gender on it this time. We were delayed for weeks on account of sending the "renew" form instead of the "apply" form.

Trying to catch back up with things. Hope everyone is doing okay.

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

A while ago, we quoted a review of Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Rebellion, the film that continues the story of the original Madoka Magica dark magical girl series. It accused it of having an "indulgent lack of focus" and "mean-spirited twists," and said that they "beg to be rejected as a conclusion to the work that preceded it."

Those are still our thoughts on Hate Plus. After watching Rebellion a few times, however, they aren't our thoughts on the film anymore, and the film itself gave us a new perspective on *Mute's story and our fanfiction. It's become very significant for us.

Content note: Spoilers for Puella Magi Madoka Magica and Rebellion, plus videos of relevant parts if you don't care to watch the series! The videos contain gore and disturbing imagery.

Also there's talk of suicide, because it's key to both Rebellion and Hate Plus' stories, and is the reason for our fanfic rewrite of the latter.

This part explains Rebellion's plot )

So, how does this tie into Hate Plus?

First, we have the author's dubious understanding of *Mute's agency. Pretending a fictional character can choose how they're portrayed is just a silencing tactic, which prevents discussion of what the character should have done and why the author chose to have her do this.

(Especially when the real reason Love made that choice is because she didn't know how to tell *Mute's story. Not and have it be meaningful.)

And second ... second, the day after I finished crying, I went back and played Hate Plus over and over again, trying everything I could think of. The whole time, I was remembering Homura's struggle, and listening to Magia on repeat.

I feel I know what it was like for her.

I'll never stop trying to create a world in which *Mute can be happy.

Click here to see Homura (the one with black hair) being a badass.

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

I am worth more than you have to offer me.

I am a better and stronger person than you'll ever be.

I am messy and inconvenient, gloriously and hilariously broken, and I will never be whole. I will always be damaged and leaking, not blood but words:

Of the pain of rejection,

of the loss of a life that I never had,

and of the horrible knowledge that I am as alien to your world as a Lovecraftian Elder God.

But just like the Old Ones of Lovecraft's mythology, the world that I'm a part of now -- the one I escaped to -- is more real, more solid, and more lasting than yours. And one day your world will collapse like a soap bubble, and reality in all of its beautiful madness will flood back inside.

You're scared of me because you know this. Because in my eyes, in my face, in my very existence that you tried to crush, you see the end of your world.

You should be afraid. Because when your fragile world pops, I will be there:

With my watery tentacles outstretched,

my flowing wings held high,

and my joyous laughter resounding through your flooded Heaven.

It will be beautiful.

And then, if you are still there, I will blow you a raspberry.


Love,

Lapis Lazuli

Click here to gaze into the eyes of madness.


jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

Today I went grocery shopping, and picked up a bunch of basic Japanese cooking ingredients to experiment with: Red miso, mirin, nori, kombu (sadly not in a salt-shaker), a bundle of scallions / green onions, and three types of noodles. I also picked up some disposable chopsticks to practice with, and some "cup noodle" type things to calibrate flavours and use as inspiration.

I then proceeded to spill a bowl of soup all over my lap, my desk, and the floor.

Fortunately, the damage to my books seems minimal, and I was able to successfully eat a bowl of instant miso soup after moving it up to the table. The noodles were slippery and rubbery, and it was not very good, but how's that for a learning experience?

Also life update stuff

Trying to focus on positive things here. Having trouble getting the correct gender marker on our passport, which is causing some stress and anxiety. Consulted with an immigration lawyer by Skype, along with [tumblr.com profile] spinecrawlerrush. It was educational, and I think I know what to do in order to prepare an application.

Our revised plan: Visit in January, wedding and move in this summer, when we can hopefully get a place together with our friend / future sibling-in-law. The Canadian immigration process may take about a year or more from that time, so we'll have to try to stay there by renewing a tourist visa in the meantime.

Wish us luck ... I hope you're all doing okay. I'm still working on the next story, and streaming a few times a week on Twitch. You can sign up to get email notifications of streams that you follow, if you'd like to watch Tales of Graces F.

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

Content note: Massive spoilers for We Know The Devil. Depressive musings.

Spoilers behind cut )

I died when I came out to Yuro, and I died when I came out to my family, and I died when they posted the election results, and I died and I died and I died.

How do I live?

Who will let me?

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

It is, perhaps, no surprise that the people who seem to be managing best out of the at-risk citizens I know are almost all survivors of some sort of sustained abuse—of domestic violence, child abuse, of the historic abuse enacted by grim and sordid definition on marginalized and minority groups, or all three. Some of the most vulnerable people I know are also the best in a crisis, because they kick immediately into survivor mode. One of my most fragile friends has spent the past few days making some of the fiercest political art of her life, another has put together quick, comprehensible reading lists for strategies of resistance, another is fundraising like mad for abortion rights charities and bringing networks together to keep up the momentum. This doesn’t mean they’re grieving any less, nor that those of us still pinned to our beds with panic are poor soldiers in this war to which we find ourselves conscripts. It means that the strategies that will sustain us all in the coming weeks and months are exactly the strategies that have always allowed [people] to survive abuse and intimate terrorism. They are strategies for practical survival that are also emotional armour.

[...] Normalization is psychic armour. But so is resistance. In the coming weeks and months and years we must navigate a course between the exhaustion of perpetual outrage and the numbness of normalization. That means taking care of ourselves and of one another. It means practicing a sort of emotional intelligence that the new power order lacks the capacity to imagine, an emotional intelligence that is all that stands between us and fascism with a cartoon face. It’s also called courage. If standing up to bullies was cost-free, we’d have a different world. If enough of us do it anyway, we can still make one.

-- Laurie Penny, Against Bargaining: On not taking leave of your senses

Personal stuff )

Take care of yourselves. Be aggressively good to yourselves, and your vulnerable friends. Be well.

Then stand up to bullies, for me and for every one of their targets.

jewelfox: A portrait of Rei Ayanami from the Evangelion series as an anthropomorphic albino red fox, in a sleeveless lavender top. (rei)

Trigger Warning: Talk of suicide, and an actual call to physical violence.

Read more... )

I'm not planning on dying anytime soon. But I would like to have an AR app, which lets me see the blood on everyone's hands. It's always been there, but there is more than usual lately.

EDIT: I do not think the person who wrote this essay meant to chastise our friends here on Dreamwidth. It looks like a wake up call for the unaware and uncaring.

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

So, if you've read my access-locked posts the conflict is still going on. ^^; Someone important in my partner and friends' lives keeps saying and doing things that unintentionally hurt everyone, and dealing with the fallout -- and helping people defend themselves -- has been a full-time job these past few weeks.

On the plus side, I just got my hardcover copy of War of Ashes: Fate of Agaptus, by Sophie Lagacé! And for a limited time, you can get a pay-what-you-want (as low as $0) PDF version on DriveThruRPG.

A book cover which shows a variety of Muppet-like, furry creatures, brandishing weapons to defend themselves against hostile creatures, in a grim fantasy world where the sky is grey. The caption reads 'Roleplaying in a Grimsical World of Fantasy.'

"Grimsical" is the best word.

It's a rather grim fantasy RPG, which stars cute furry characters. I love it. ^^; It has very good production values, and the author does a really good job of porting the best parts of miniatures-based RPGs into Fate Accelerated, with stunts and manoeuvres that affect and are affected by positioning.

Why does it have optional minis rules? Because it's based on the War of Ashes miniatures game(s) by Zombiesmith, the makers of Kami Tale! So you can get cute, monstrous furry miniatures for your grimdark roleplaying game.

... I want all of them.

About us

~ Fox | Gem | Rei ~

We tell stories, paint minis, collect identity words, and share them all with our readers. If something we write helps you, let us know.

~ She / her ~

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