jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)
[personal profile] jewelfox

Or at least add a disclaimer that the conversation I had with [personal profile] aliaspseudonym was prompted by discussing the good points that [personal profile] armaina made. I don't agree with everything she said, in the comments on my first copyright essay, but she reminded me that I did not use the best example and that some legal protections are needed to preserve individual creators' brands.

I was trained to be a submissive perfectionist. I'm supposed to back down if I anger someone. And I am not supposed to make mistakes. So when something I write angers people, and I can tell that I did or said something wrong but can't put my claw on what it is, it unnerves me. It unnerves us a lot.

I just get mad when I read about terrible people doing terrible things. I want to talk about it someplace where like-minded people can empathize, and others can show me what I'm leaving out.

I don't want to intimidate people. I don't want to be attacked by people who don't share my values, like what happened when I tried to write for Planet GNOME. And some of the arguments I've gotten into lately with people I care about and respect have been draining. I feel like there's something wrong with me, like I did something wrong, like I didn't explain things well enough, like I'm a terrible person who really ought to shut up.

Especially when I realize that I am at least partway wrong about something, like I was in this case and did not specify clearly enough.

I'm cutting people off or distancing myself from them, for the sake of my own well-being and sanity, more than I'm gaining new readers and contacts. And that doesn't sit well with us at all.

Edit: From an earlier essay:

... pretty much everyone thinks they're a nice person. The difference is what you do when you're confronted with evidence that you've hurt someone. Is your priority to save face or heal them?

This is why the follow-ups that we wrote didn't sit well with us. We weren't giving credit for or really acknowledging how we were changing the way that we looked at things. This is how one acts when one wants to pretend one's infallible. We are not. We are sorry for doing so.

We're still unnerved and unsure of ourselves after all this, and feel unpleasantly reminded of how immature we still are.

Date: 2013-04-29 02:10 pm (UTC)
redsixwing: Red-winged angel staring at a distant star. (Default)
From: [personal profile] redsixwing
I think it reflects well on you that you're pointing out the ways in which you are changing how you think in this very entry.

It's unnerving. It's hard. It's essential, and you're doing it. :)

Date: 2013-04-30 01:23 am (UTC)
redsixwing: Red-winged angel staring at a distant star. (Default)
From: [personal profile] redsixwing
Oh dear. I am so sorry for making the situation worse!

The intent was a congratulation and encouragement, as I believe you are doing the right thing - not in never disagreeing, but in understanding and acknowledging your own changes. I know that intent matters very little, though, so I will apologize also.

Date: 2013-05-02 07:06 am (UTC)
armaina: seriously dudes, not stock art. (Default)
From: [personal profile] armaina
I'm glad that you've noticed that the individual level of this whole thing is so different from the corporate side of it, and I appreciate that acknowledgement, that was one of my main concerns. The disagreements aren't a problem to me. The only thing that had me upset or hurt by any means was the implication that anyone that tries to stop their work from being used should be treated as criminals. Despite my attempting to point it out the fact that it was never acknowledged or revised made it seem as though you still felt that way. That you felt I should be seen a criminal, a villain, for trying to protect what I've created. That was what bothered me most.

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