jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)
[personal profile] jewelfox

There are few things more exhausting and triggering, for me, than sitting through a sermon on how love means putting up with your partner, no matter what. And how important parents' feelings about their kids getting married are. And then following it up by everyone being quiet and respectful while two old white men pray on behalf of us all, and thank the Christian God for the opportunity to serve him, and ask him to cast Magic Circle against Evil on the married couple.

It is deeply, deeply offensive to me to be asked to participate in and endorse heteronormative religious supremacism, and see my friends and new family members basically denounce polyamory. Or act like the only relationships worth celebrating are exclusive ones.

I feel invisible and like a non-person. I had an anxiety attack and had to bail out. I will never go to any function where anyone offers a Christian prayer on behalf of me, ever again. And I will never again silently endorse the kind of terrible relationship advice that abuse culture has to offer. Especially when it's being offered to someone I care about.

I am tired.

At least it wasn't my wedding.




* I mean straight as in "heteronormative," and not as in the genders of the participants.

Date: 2017-07-23 03:17 am (UTC)
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
From: [personal profile] alatefeline
I am so sorry. *offers hugs* Please rest, and remember that you are awesome and loved.

Yes...

Date: 2017-07-23 05:25 am (UTC)
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
From: [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
That sucks.

One wedding I went to demanded an oath of everyone in the audience without having announced in advance that such a thing was part of the ceremony or what it entailed or what to do if one didn't wish to partake. FAAAAIIIIIL. >_

Date: 2017-07-23 09:29 am (UTC)
heron61: (Default)
From: [personal profile] heron61
That sounds deeply unpleasant. I've avoided all strongly heteronormative weddings for a long time, simply because I find the intersection of gender expectations and expectations about love and romance in that worldview to be toxic and vile to the extreme. This is also why there's only one het romantic comedy I can watch without wanting to yell at the screen, walk out, or turn it off (Simply Irresistible - it's not perfect, but does largely avoid being a tool of oppression and rape culture, and in that it's unique in film of that genre that I've seen or heard of).

Date: 2017-07-24 04:20 pm (UTC)
redsixwing: Red-winged angel staring at a distant star. (Default)
From: [personal profile] redsixwing
Blerrrrgh.

When Star and I got married, we were Very Firm with the officiating clergy about not including any of that hokum. It Can Be Done.

I'm sorry they didn't do it. It's really awful feeling like you're the only one left out in situations like that.

(Honestly, that was when I was right on the edge of losing my religion* and I don't know what I'd have done had I flipped tables on the church a year earlier.)

*I like this version.

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