Wundergeek, AKA the "Go Make Me A Sandwich" lady, drew a thing about what it's like to live with not only depression but anxiety as well. You can read it here.
Keep moving forward? How can I when I can't breathe?
Spending time with people I love? I'm constantly on alert for a disaster that never happens.
I hyper analyze everything I do and say for signs that I'm a burden to the people I love. Because of course I'm a burden. I have to be. If I can't live with me ... how could anyone else? How could anyone love somebody so broken?
As someone who deals with both, and has been especially struggling with them both lately, it was very useful for us. One of the big takeaways was that the kinds of strategies that work for combating depression simply don't work for anxiety, and in fact can make them worse.
We feel broken, betrayed, lacking in intrinsic worth, and dependent on external validation. Which has to be delivered just right or we crumple into a ball of anxiety anyway, going over and over what we think we did wrong and feeling like everything's useless.
We realize that this makes us hard to be around or relate to. As does the hyper-sensitivity that comes partly from identifying with almost every minority group that we know of, partly from dysphoria and PTSD, and partly from always waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop. And end whatever relationship or good thing we were depending on.
We're sorry to everyone this has affected, and that we have put off in one way or another. We're trying our best to heal, right now, both for our sake and for yours. I guess we should at least not be so hard on ourself, in the meantime.