jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)
[personal profile] jewelfox

Still too scared to present overtly as female, especially when we aren't on hormones yet. Ended up somewhere in between, which was as comfortable as we could get with our appearance. May have been a mistake.

What we did

Sat on a bench for a half hour while people talked to each other around us, then took photos of [personal profile] rev_yurodivy fursuiting, then found a table where people were playing card games and managed to get into a couple of games of magic.

How we felt

Nervous, out of place, and overloaded (in the autistic sense). At the very least, we should have brought sunglasses.

It felt really, really unnerving to be there, because it seemed like we were invisible to most people. Our "female register" voice is quiet and there were a lot of people around, which is probably part of why we felt ignored. When we did talk to people we didn't know what to bring up except electronics, and that didn't go well.

People seemed visibly dismayed to talk to us. One person didn't even say anything but just sort of stared at us for several seconds with a :| expression on his face. Several people we used to know barely acknowledged us, or didn't at all.

We felt shell-shocked for hours afterwards, but I think right now we're leaning towards hurt and rejected.

Date: 2014-04-06 03:23 am (UTC)
burning_ground: (Default)
From: [personal profile] burning_ground
Awww... :|

*sink*

I wonder if there were some transmisogynistic tendencies showing up there, if you presented somewhere in between, or if they could have been just plain phobic if they registered a feminine presence.

I've gone to geek meetups before and found I have so little in common with anyone there that I just kind of do my own thing in the corner. It is disheartening. Oftentimes at social events I can find at least one of "my people", but "my people" (like most people's people, I think) are more the exception than the norm. When I do find one of "my people", I can usually make things go, eh, alright.

I don't have transphobic issues to worry about though, so I've also not changed how I present much over the years. There's no doubt or re-learning there.

I'm going to PM you something that might sound crazy.

Hmm...

Date: 2014-04-06 08:11 am (UTC)
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
From: [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
>> Still too scared to present overtly as female, especially when we aren't on hormones yet. <<

That's okay.

>> Ended up somewhere in between, which was as comfortable as we could get with our appearance. May have been a mistake. <<

In my observation, growth works best when you go to the edge of your comfort, and then take one step further. If you run full tilt at the boundary and try to get as far past it as possible, you are liable to rupture something, and may make things take longer as a result. Plus that hurts like fuck. Stretch gently is good advice in more than just exercise.

>> When we did talk to people we didn't know what to bring up except electronics, and that didn't go well. <<

1) It may help to plan in advance, trying to find topics of interest to the people at an event, then think about your opinions on those topics.

2) Also look for interfaces. Electronics + furry = animatronic fursuits, plus more recent prosthetic ears and tails that respond to your brainwaves. Coolness.

3) Questions are good. Most people like to talk about themselves.

>> People seemed visibly dismayed to talk to us. <<

Wow, that really sucks.

About us

Furry, fantasy, and fanfiction writer. Miniatures hobbyist, Mi'qote White Mage, 4E DM. Windows gamer, fangirl, and developer. Pronouns she/her, they/their.

Transfemale plurality, otherkin, fictive. Polyamorous pansexual. Proud introvert. Inari worshiper; xenotheist.

We wrote Jewelfox's Otherkin FAQ.

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