jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

And get this update written before we collapse ...

(Content note: Personal and slightly TMI-ish discussion of physically transitioning genders.)

Despite some kind of "hairy Benjamin standards of care" gatekeeping stuff, along with some painful blood-drawing and unexpected (and painful) groping between our legs >_o we apparently S-ranked our first hormone appointment thing.

Which was today.

Which we announced that it was in a post that was locked at the time, so that we wouldn't get stalked and our parents of origin wouldn't freak out and order a tactical nuclear strike on the apartment complex or something. Because unlike our heart, soul, romantic love, and creative writing endeavours, our primary and secondary sexual characteristics are very important to them, and there is no telling what lengths they will go to in order to terrorize us for thinking we own our "sacred parts" instead of having them on loan from God.


Anyway, the lab results from those huge vials of blood that they drew from our arm will be in a couple weeks from now, at which point we will hopefully be prescribed the synthetic estrogen we need to achieve a fuller physical / mental / emotional gender transition. Which apparently has its ups and downs, especially those last two. So if you're playing Magic against us sometime next month, and we suddenly burst into tears and exclaim stuff like "These lyrics are soooo deep ;; " ... don't say we didn't warn you!

... of course, if we don't get a prescription at that point, we may just burst into tears regardless.

So, how's life treating you all? >_>

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

Today I am going out to the clinic to get exogenous hormones (meaning ones produced outside my body) as part of physically transitioning genders.

There are a lot of things that could go wrong with this, and that I'm very nervous about, which is part of why I'm up this late. But the biggest thing is that there's this voice in my head saying:

This is it, this is the magical TG TF transformation serum just like in your stories, and you're going to change into a woman IRL~

When I'd really like it to be saying:

Today I'm going to go out with Yuro to pick up their new Pokémon game, then get groceries with them, then go out to my appointment and go home afterwards.

You might think that this wouldn't be the case, after as much time as I spent reading and writing and dreaming about physical TF in general and "becoming female" specifically. But while my stories seem to have helped other people accept themselves and their need to be genuine, in me they've created this visceral terror at the thought of living in one.

Even though the worst scenario those stories explored -- being thrown out and rejected by your own family -- appears to have already happened to me.

But the biggest reason I don't want for this to be dreamlike and magical is because I want it to already be over with. I don't want to have to transition, in any way. I want to already be accepted as female, online and in person, without needing to explain "pronouns" or other big words some people apparently have trouble with. And I want to be able to see this as something you would legitimately do if you were already a woman, not something you do to become one.

(Yes, I know lots of ciswomen take hormones. It's not usually for this reason, though.)

I don't want this to be a turning point, or a reason for terror or celebration. I just want to get through and get on with my life, and have it maybe be easier once what I see in the mirror doesn't cause me to cringe as much.

... having said that, if anyone wants to throw a party at their own place or send us well-wishing then I won't object. >_>

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

A one-star review of the "Microsoft account" Android app, written by Lynn Mcrea:

Att is hacking and tearing up all Microsoft products and Apple

Att Bad People they Hack into cash registers NEwYork caused Home depot break in They also put a whole droid into my nook and into blackberry Help they are Bad people NY ATT Mafia Here they hack libraries and stores cash registers playing gospel music while they hack.Dirt Scum in Alabama Clean up ATT before they hurt our troops.The boys leaving out have ATT hacked devices Arny Navy Marines Air force can confirm but they have zippers Local Police have zippers Mine is only open enough to say Protect Our Troops

This is the best product review ever.

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

Here's what our table looked like the other night:

The gray miniatures on the right are the Circle Orboros force from the Hordes 2-player boxed set. We’ve attached them all to their bases (except for one Argus we’re going to try to pin later on), and they’re ready to join our Retribution of Scyrah warcaster and myrmidons (the ones on the left) for some actual gameplay.

Now we just need to prime, paint, and base them, not necessarily in that order. >_>b As you can see, we’ve got a small collection of paints that we’re planning on using for both tiny armies, as well as the Legion of Everblight (rawr monsters) force that came in the two-player set.

The painted mini on the stand, near our laptop, is Galadaeros, a huge copper dragon. He’s one of three that came with the D&D Attack Wing starter set, which we picked up after being wowed by the dragons’ sculpts. Remind me to write about my impressions of that game; we and [personal profile] rev_yurodivy both thought it was fast-paced and fun!

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

Content note: Subtitled swear words, talk about sex, and child rape.

"They made me feel guilty for touching myself as a fourteen-year-old! And now I find out Joseph was %!@$ing fourteen-year-olds!?" Click here if you can't see the video.

"His shelf breaks," in the video's title, refers to the Mormon adage of "putting a thing on your shelf" to mean no longer contemplating something that's causing you to doubt the institutional church's claims or good intentions. Ex-mormons talk about breaking shelves to mean that something finally pushed them over the edge.

A lot of shelves have been breaking since their church recently published its essays, admitting to things like how Joseph Smith preyed on a girl "a few months from her fifteenth birthday," and those essays getting front-page, mainstream attention in places like CNN and the New York Times. Even though the essays still hide or obscure some things, and always phrase stuff in a way that creates the most ambiguity and casts the best light on the church, there are a lot of real people who are finding this stuff out right now and having the same reaction Memetic Hitler did in that video.

So you could say it's funny because it's not funny!

May whatever gods hear their prayers be merciful to them, and help them and their families escape.

jewelfox: CollectQT's logo, intersecting cyan and magenta circuits which form a Q and T superimposed on each other. (CollectQT)

CollectQT is "A (Q)ueer (T)rans (Collect)ive for rebuilding your internets," according to its Twitter page. (They have a home page at which explains their philosophy and aggregates links, but there's no RSS feed, so at the moment you need Twitter to keep tabs on their doings.)

The project they are currently working on is Quirell, with one 'r' and two 'l's.' According to its IndieGogo fundraising page, it:

... aims to be a place for marginalized community members and others to escape the noise and over-saturation of traditional social networks. This project is needed because as users of social media, we are affected by the lack of privacy measures in place on current social networks, ‘real name’ policies, and the way that new features are implemented and security is handled within most social networking sites.

[...] we aim to deliver a platform that serves the needs of marginalized micro-communities searching for a place to call their own when mainstream social networks are overrun with hate campaigns, stress, or you simply want to connect with others like you.

Fundraising goes towards paying their queer / trans / apparently POC staff to work on it.

They "support a variety of communities, including the sex-worker community, transgender community, nonbinary community, and the MPD/DID community," the latter of which sounds like a somewhat clinical way of referring to pluralities like us but is still very encouraging. They have an open issue in their bug tracker for handling multiple personas, and their current early-stage mockup has your pronouns listed next to your name.

Why not Dreamwidth?

Dreamwidth is a wonderful CMS (Content Management System), in our opinion, which gives us a lot of control over who sees and comments on what we publish and how it looks. It is owned and largely run by women, it's free-to-use and ad-free, it supports RSS and OpenID, and it doesn't aggressively upsell its customers on "premium" services or maintain a separate tier of service for "VIPs."

It's not very easy to make it do "Tumblr-y" things or use it to post Twitter-style status updates, though, and it takes some getting used to for people who didn't grow up using LiveJournal. We feel Quirell would do a better job of addressing the needs of people like us who just want to share and communicate, while Dreamwidth's more advanced features make it ideal for RPers and prolific writers.

Sounds cool, where do I sign up?

Again, they are looking for fundraising through IndieGogo, which unlike Kickstarter will give them the funds even if they don't reach a lofty goal. The minimum donation amount is $5. If you'd like to become one of their minions (their cooler word for "allies") and have your status displayed on your Quirell page, the minimum amount is $10.

If you'd like to contribute unpaid labour instead of moneys, they have detailed instructions for helpers on their website, including non-programmer helpers I think.

If you'd like to simply poke at their code, they have instructions for doing so here. Quirell is written in Python, and has instructions for running it on Ubuntu, a free-to-download Linux-based OS which is reputed to be more accessible than others of its ilk and can be installed on a USB key without wiping your hard drive. It should be possible to get the code running on OS X or Windows too.

Hopefully, it will be live on the web soon.

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

Our team projected there would be about 110,000 voters on June 3 (out of 462,000 registered, or less than 25 percent). And here was the kicker: Fully half would be age 65 and older. Roughly three-quarters would be age 50 and older. Millennials were a rounding error. If you want to know why politicians pay only lip service to the outrageous cost of college, soaring student loan debt and the fact that degrees don’t translate into decent jobs anymore, here’s your answer, I thought. But there was no way to start some youth crusade in the time we had.

Truth is, by the end of the campaign, I wouldn’t stop to talk to young people at all—the odds that they would show up on June 3 were practically nil. Seniors—and the direct mail we would send them—were pretty much all that mattered. (This truth was driven home by the little old lady at a market who punctuated her list of to-dos for me with eerie intensity. “You’d better listen to me, young man,” she said. “We’re the ones who vote!”)

-- Matt Miller, "Mr. Miller Doesn't Go To Washington," Politico

I believe that this instinct to perpetuate useless work is, at bottom, simply fear of the mob. The mob (the thought runs) are such low animals that they would be dangerous if they had leisure; it is safer to keep them too busy to think.

-- George Orwell, "Down and Out"

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

Attacks on religious expression are an example of a program undertaken by left-leaning individuals without thought for how this may be a part of capital’s larger approach to destroying sources of meaning outside of itself. […]

Marx and Engels never saw some sort of “defeat of religion” as a necessary condition for moving society forward.


jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

Our mom bought us the Hordes two-player set (Hordes is the "monstrous" companion game to Warmachine), and we finally finished washing the manufacturing chemicals off of every piece for the Circle Orboros models.

The gray plastic pieces and black plastic bases for nine Hordes models laid out on a white hand towel, along with the clear plastic toothbrush which was used to clean them off.

Now we just need to trim and assemble them, and then we can play robots versus werewolves.

jewelfox: A portrait of a foxgryphon with a beak, black fur, magenta hair, fox ears, and a neckband with a large jewel on it. (Default)

Author's Note: This story is inspired by Murrquan's Sonic the Hedgehog fanfiction. You can still find it on if you know where to look. If you don't, she's not going to tell you.

The character named Shadow, in this story, is a black cat who had no relation to this Shadow when Murrquan created him in 2000.

Content Note: Contains lots of graphic physical and emotional violence, including some that's inflicted on children. Also discussion of suicide and self-injury, mild profanity, and disturbing imagery, including torture.

* * *

Dear Shadow,

It's Tachyon, your former peregrine "pet." I was a tiercel, but now I'm an actual falcon. And speaking of changes, I'm pretty sure that you're dead, but maybe that will make it more likely that you get to see this. It's not like I knew your mailing address, or anything.

Anyway, do you remember the Eighth? The emerald I can't use the full name of, since it's a memetic trigger for you? Well, it is for me too, now. Because it got to me, the same as it did to you.

It wasn't anything like I thought it would be.

Read more... )

About us

Furry, fantasy, and fanfiction writer. Miniatures hobbyist, Mi'qote White Mage, 4E DM. Windows gamer, fangirl, and developer. Pronouns she/her, they/their.

Transfemale plurality, otherkin, fictive. Polyamorous pansexual. Proud introvert. Inari worshiper; xenotheist.

We wrote Jewelfox's Otherkin FAQ.


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